Putting Away Expectations

I’ve come to the dreadful realization that many of us live our lives according to someone else’s rules.

When one looks at it simply, the whole notion is rather absurd. If we only have one life to live, why do we waste our time trying to mold it to someone else’s expectations?

But when we look at the deeper intricacies, we notice that there are many reasons that people bring this upon themselves. These reasons are not necessarily justifiable, but the motivations behind them are understandable.

Most of the time, we try to change our ways to find approval or acceptance from some other person.

Whether this person is a significant other, friend, family member, or a group of people, the effect is the same.

There is also the conundrum of self-imposed pressure, in which there is no third party, but the only person causing your grief is yourself!

To a certain extent of your life, the urge to follow someone else’s example is understandable. This is how we learn as children, to follow the rules of our parents, and take on their habits (the good and the bad). However, at a point in your life, you must shed these expectations and take on a “new skin”.

At this point in your life, you must learn to think for yourself and make your own decisions. Regardless of what your family or others may think, you must make your own decisions based on your own convictions. Continuing to follow another person’s path will only cause you grief.

I realized in my past relationship that I was trying too hard to please another person. In the process, I was losing bits and pieces of myself. I also found out that it was pointless trying to change another person’s point of view. He and I were never going to think the same way, and it was futile trying to change for him or expecting him to change for me.

In the end, you must be true to yourself. Eventually, you will meet others who also think the way that you do. By putting away the expectations of others, you can figure out what YOU truly want for yourself.

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2 Responses to Putting Away Expectations

  1. Thomas Ross says:

    This is such a hard- but such an important- teaching.

    Parents, lovers, teachers, peers, the culture itself, all bombard us with expectations, sometimes out of love, sometimes out of their needs. Whatever the source, we must put those expectations aside. We must live in this moment, not seeking to gain some status or thing that we suppose we must pursue.

    This is all so clear to me and yet I often, maybe usually, falter.

    Thanks for sharing your honest and insightful words.

    Tom

    • Thanks for reading and commenting! I look forward to reading more of your posts in the future.

      To me, this is a really big topic. Being a person who is a natural “people pleaser” I often put aside my own wants to follow someone else. I realize however that this is detrimental to my self growth. Like you said, these people do not mean to have a negative effect, they just want the best for us. It’s weird really when you study the different relationships you have and how they shape you as a person.

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