Balancing the Give and Take in Relationships

 

And if you said, “This life ain’t good enough.”
I would give my world to lift you up
I could change my life to better suit your mood
Because you’re so smooth

Have you ever found yourself in a relationship where you would do anything else for the other person’s happiness? When it’s stated like that, it sounds positive. However, if you continuously change yourself solely for this person’s approval, it isn’t so great.

It seems like relationships are a game of give and take. You gotta give a little to get a little.

Where does one draw the line though? It’s very easy to fall into the habit of putting others before yourself. When you do these things for someone else, they become happy. They tell you thank you and say that they really appreciate it! Because of these “rewards”, you are able to justify your actions and are that more likely to do this again.

It’s also very easy for people who do these things to simply label themselves as a “devoted” or “faithful” partner.

However, when you take a step back, do you really want to be “devoted” to your partner? Sounds like your partner is more like a god than a human being when you say it that way.

I think a large part of the problem is how one views oneself. Yes, part of it is your partner’s fault, but even worse is that you yourself do these actions. Why do you put others before yourself? Deep down, you feel like your input or ideas don’t matter compared to theirs. You feel like you are of “lesser value” or that your needs aren’t as urgent. And this is flat out wrong!

No matter who you are and what you’ve done in the past, there is absolutely nothing that justifies the thought that your opinion matters less than someone else’s.

Someone else may have more expertise on the matter, but that does not mean that their opinion is of more value. Their opinion may be closer to the truth, but it is still an opinion. Opinions are subjective, and vary with each person. There is no straight scale for measuring the value of one’s thoughts.

I read an article the other day that advised people to only date when they don’t need to. When we are looking for approval or happiness in a source that is outside of ourselves, it is only ephemeral happiness. Only when we accept ourselves do we find true happiness.

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