Tonight was lovely and altogether terrible at the same time.
It was wonderful because I spent it with you.
It was horrible because there was never a clearer moment to me that your feelings didn’t match mine.
If I ever wondered what your feelings were towards me, tonight they were confirmed. And that is, you see me as nothing more than a friend. I may be attractive, funny, and compatible with you, but there’s nothing more there.
I think it was confirmed in our goodbye. We had a quick loose hug, and you mentioned that you, me, and some other friends should all hang out sometime.
To be completely honest, I could care less about the other people. I really only want to spend time with you. But I keep my mouth shut.
It hurts. Really hurts. After our goodbye, I wanted to cry. I spent so much time getting ready and preparing for the evening, and I looked beautiful. But even so, you don’t think of me in that way. I guess a nice dress and some makeup can’t make up for a lack of attraction.
Do you even notice my feelings? Or are you oblivious to them because I’m not even on your radar?
I wonder, I wonder…
I don’t think anything good could come from this, I’ll probably just end up hurting myself more. But I can’t help it. I enjoy spending time with you, talking to you, laughing with you, smiling at you. I simply enjoy looking at you.
It seems so ridiculous that I want something that will only hurt me. That I want someone I can’t have.
But it’s the way it is.