I think I may be close to swearing off men entirely.
Of course, I say that with as much seriousness as an old smoker says about his supposed “last cigarette”.
Right now, I’m just really frustrated with the men in my life. To be honest, they’re probably closer to boys than men. I’m just not feeling so hot. I kind of feel like a rock that’s getting tossed along in the river current, dragged this way and that, not having much control over where I’m going or how much it hurts.
I’ve been crushing on an old friend of mine for the past couple months, and really trying my hardest. We’ve hung out together (just the two of us) on several different occasions: at the beach, movies, and even a theatre play. I do my best to look “alluring”; I shave, put on perfume, wear something nice… but each time I find that he has no intentions of seeing me as anything but a friend. Most recently I texted him this: “Things didn’t go necessarily like we planned, but I had a good time because I was spending it with you”. He texted me back: “Yeah the movie was better than expected, it was fun.” I realized that there was probably a big difference in how we viewed the evening, and that even though I enjoy his company, he doesn’t feel the same way. He might like hanging out with me as a friend, but he doesn’t get nervous before we meet or feel happy when he sees my face. Those feelings are mine alone.
It’s just frustrating to feel like you are trying so hard and not have someone acknowledge or notice it.
In addition to this predicament, I was contacted by a guy that I was interested in during the school year. I invited him out to see me sing and play guitar at a restaurant, but he didn’t show up. He didn’t even text me back to tell me whether or not he’d make it.
There are all kinds of excuses one could make for these guys, perhaps I am being too harsh on them. One could also argue that I expect too much of people in general.
Readers, what are your standards for people you are interested in? Do you consider yourself to generally have low or high standards?