I hate telling people “no”. I absolutely despise it. It’s such a painful thing for me to do, I try to avoid it at all costs.
But the truth is, when you make such a big deal out of something, it only creates tension in your personal relationships. The other person can become offended and not understand why you are nervous or feeling pressured. They may feel responsible for your erratic behavior, and feel unnecessary guilt. When the reality is, the only person creating this pressure is yourself.
How do I know this? I do this to myself all the time.
With a new school year fast approaching, it is time for classes and extra curricular activities to resume. I’m feeling nervous about my new classes, as I am taking 16 units, and they are all fairly difficult. But I’m even more worried about my involvement in clubs this year.
Last year, I was involved in choir. I enjoyed singing with the girls, and met a lot of great people, but there were also negative sides to the experience. This year, the choir director wants to push our group in a new direction. He wants to create a more advanced choral group, which would take more time and dedication than last year. I’m not sure if I am ready for that.
Because I hate telling people “no”, and try to avoid confrontation at all costs, I was hoping to avoid even going to the first meeting. If I had it my way, I would cut off all ties with the group now and email him of my decision. It’s not the most courteous way, but that way would be the easiest for me to execute.
After discussing it with my friend though, I understand that doing so would be unfair to him and the rest of the group. I should at least give him a chance.
I’m scared that doing so would leave me open to being committed to the group. Unfortunately, I’m a “people pleaser”, and often take too much responsibility for others.
See what kind of problems I have to deal with?
It seems like I just need to relax and remind myself that the world will continue to spin without me. When you feel like nothing will be able to function without you, you cause unnecessary stress on yourself.
No matter what I decide to do, the group will make it on with or without me. People will be able to adapt and survive. They are not helpless, nor do they require my assistance. There will always be someone else to do my part if I am not there.
So moral of the story? Be open to new opportunities, don’t shut people out because of fear. Don’t avoid things, it will only create a bigger problem. Be honest and genuine with people about your feelings, they will appreciate it.