You’re My Friend But…

Do you have any friends that you love to hang out with in a group, but can’t handle spending time with them one-on-one?

I have a friend like that. I always wondered if it was just me that felt that way, but I later found out that another one of my friends also feels the same way. Her description of our friend hit the nail on the head… “She’s a type of person who wants you to ask her about something, but even when you ask she won’t tell you about it.”

And this is absolutely true!

If she’s upset about something, she will drop hints about the subject until you ask her about it. And once you ask her, she continues to dance around the subject until you really persist in asking. And then finally, she will tell you what the hell it was all about. And you wonder if it really was worth all of the asking and waiting.

Somehow, a person like this seems to be closed off to others. They won’t say exactly what they want, won’t answer your questions, or give up information easily. They want your attention and love, but they really don’t go about things directly. It can sometimes be a pain in the neck.

And you’re also left wondering, “How does this person really feel?”. Or perhaps, “Are we friends at all?”.

It really is a conundrum. I’m a person who is pretty direct in telling people things, and I always appreciate others being direct. If you want something, say so. By clearly expressing yourself, you leave almost no room for miscommunication. It just seems to make life easier!

But people will be the way they are. I don’t necessarily understand my friend, but I do enjoy her company when we hang out in a group. I don’t think I can handle spending time with her one-on-one because it is difficult communicating, and because of these different things I don’t feel very close to her. I’m not sure if she ever lets anyone inside.

It also makes me feel uncomfortable to hear people speak badly of themselves constantly. Which she happens to do quite a lot. If someone continuously says negative things about themselves without a prompt from someone else, it almost seems like this person is fishing for compliments. Or that this person somehow derives a great pleasure from putting themselves down. I don’t quite understand it.

So yeah, things are awkward between us. We aren’t very close, and I can’t help but think it’s because of her dramatic tendencies.

Readers, do you have any friends that you can only see in a group?

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5 Responses to You’re My Friend But…

  1. david says:

    It’s hard to think that anyone derives anything positive from putting him or herself down. But I suppose it can be a way to fish for positive reinforcement. I think there’s a difference, though, between someone who might be primarily lacking in self-confidence and someone who’s quite insecure. I don’t know that the former would fish for compliments. Either way, maybe another integral ingredient in friendship is how someone communicates beyond the subject of him or herself.

    • Hmmm… Very insightful. Thanks for sharing your thoughts David 🙂 I guess she might just be insecure then. A large part of friendship I think is sharing stories or personal news. But perhaps that is because I do not hang out with these girls too often. Most of the time we are sharing funny stories or things that have happened to is recently. We always talk about experiences rather than other subjects.

  2. braixetta says:

    I don’t really have friends like that, I only have a friend that lives far away from me. I only text her and stuff… Because I moved away. So… yeah…

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