Day Dreaming

Ever since I realized that I had Anxiety, I became more aware of how easily thoughts drift in and out of my head. Of course, everyone has their occasional bouts of day dreaming, but I feel that I am more prone to it than most. Rather than thinking about one perfect day, this perfect day will turn into the perfect week, the perfect month, the perfect lifetime… When I get lost in my thoughts, I can envision myself far ahead in all kinds of situations. I get noticeably upset or happy as a result of these “situations” even though they are not real. It’s annoying to have to catch myself every time I escape to la-la land, but I do it.

Recently, I’ve had my head all caught up with Mr. Swing. I’ll envision in my head all kinds of happy scenarios (he likes me back, asks me out on a date…) as well as depressing scenarios (doesn’t see me the same way, rejects me…). It’s quite exhausting.

Not to mention, I have better things I can do with my time.

My therapist has told me that what I’m doing is “projecting”. I’m trying to envision the future, and prepare myself for all of the possibilities. But it’s impossible to do so. It’s emotionally draining and quite out of my reach! So why bother?

I’ve also found, that if I’m being honest with myself, underneath all of these “scenarios” is a fat load of insecurities.

That I’m not “good” enough.

That I’m not attractive enough.

That someone won’t be able to love me.

That I’ll end up alone.

I’m not sure how to settle these insecurities. You can’t feel better about yourself by jumping into a relationship and having someone reaffirm you. Their reaffirmations mean nothing if you still doubt yourself.

The change has to come from within.

Readers, do you ever feel the same way? How do we learn to love ourselves?

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8 Responses to Day Dreaming

  1. braixetta says:

    Id read this but I’m too lazy zzzzzz

  2. K. of My Angsty 20s. says:

    I share your exact insecurities. It’s hard learning to love myself when I’ve been so critical of myself for the longest time. But if there’s one thing I believe in, it’s that we must learn to love ourselves before we can learn to love others. Abstaining from relationships is something that I’ve decided to do for the time being.

    • Definitely sounds like a good idea. I wonder though if there is some kind of process one can go through to find this change? One could be without a relationship stuck in their same insecurities not moving forward. If any revelations come to me I’ll let you know, and I hope you’ll do the same! 🙂

      • K. of My Angsty 20s. says:

        That’s one thing I fear – being perpetually stuck with my insecurities regardless of whether I am alone or not. I will definitely share with you any thoughts that come to mind.

  3. that98kid says:

    I get exactly what you mean. I find the more i daydream about the way things could be, the more i become dissatisfied with the way I am now. Consciously I know that I don’t need anybody to feel happy, but when I slip into a situation in my head it just leaves me feeling empty.

    • Wow. Thanks for putting it so perfectly! Wish you didn’t have to feel that way, but glad you could relate. Thanks for taking the time to read and comment, much appreciated! I guess we should learn to be more satisfied with real life, and then we would be less likely to get stuck in dream life?

  4. that98kid says:

    That’s the aim, making dreams realities and all that! Great post:)

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