I get caught in this trap all the time. Seeking affirmation from others to validate my self-worth. Because I am worth NOTHING without the affirmation of someone else.
What a load of BS that is.
Sometimes it’s scary to look in the mirror and find the ugly truth looking back at you. Opening that closet of skeletons and not choosing to look away. Choosing to look at yourself and accept yourself, just as you are.
It’s very hard to do.
There are so many times I find myself thinking: I’m not good enough.
No matter what it is. Whether it’s applying to the nursing program. Trying to get a guy to like me. Performing music in front of others.
What is it with all of these insecurities that we keep inside?
Recently, I stumbled upon the song “Secrets” by Mary Lambert. If you haven’t listened to her yet, please check her out. She is such a wonderful songwriter!
I felt like this song just really resonated with how I was feeling.
I have a lot of insecurities, but right now I’ve been most insecure about Mr. Swing. I really like him, and I feel like he likes me. But he doesn’t want a relationship right now. I’m not a priority, and he will flirt with other girls given the chance. That’s normal and to be expected because we aren’t in a relationship. I shouldn’t expect exclusivity from him, or be hurt by all of this. But somehow I am.
I’m taking it all too personally. When he doesn’t talk to me, notice me, or ask me to dance, I assume that he’s not interested. I’m assuming that if a guy likes me he’s gonna be crazy about me 24/7! That’s not the case. Especially not in our situation.
I have to learn to go with the flow. Meet other people, talk to other guys. Not just focus on him. The more I focus on him and all the things I’m not getting, the more lonely I feel.
I really have to remember that.
I also need to remember that I don’t need a guy to like me to let me know that I have redeeming qualities. I’m beautiful, funny, smart, and talented just like I am, SINGLE! A relationship does not prove my worth to anyone. And you should never seek attention from someone for that purpose.
There’s a lot of things that I need to keep reminding myself.
Readers, is there anything that you need to remind yourself of at times?