Feeling Sick and Guilty

I’ve been feeling a little under the weather lately.

Not just physically, but emotionally as well.

Aside from coughing and feeling overall exhausted, I’ve been asking myself questions.

Is it possible to have room in your heart for more than one person?

I keep worrying about this “casual dating” thing and if I will hurt anyone. Or if I will confuse myself. I keep blaming myself. For whatever reason, I keep thinking that it will all end up badly and it will ALL be my fault.

I’m blaming my anxiety.

I think a good exercise though is to recognize these thoughts and ask WHY do I think this way?

I’m not the type of person who would manipulate others.

I haven’t done anything to lead these guys on or made physical promises.

Why do I assume that everything will go badly? Why do I assume that I’m not worthy of a happy ending?

For now, I’m going to rest as much as I can to get rid of this sickness. I hope that with this sickness I can also detox myself of this tendency to “self-blame”.

I haven’t done anything wrong! Nothing has even happened yet. Why am I so down on myself?

I deserve to find happiness. I deserve to find someone who cares about me. I deserve to be free of this self-blame. I deserve MORE.

Readers, do you ever feel like you limit yourself with your own thoughts? Thinking of a quote from The Perks of Being A Wallflower, “We accept the love we think we deserve”. We all deserve much better. I’m going to strive towards that, and I hope you do the same.

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