Being Comfortable

You can get so used to being someone else’s “someone” that you aren’t comfortable being your own person anymore.

I hate admitting it, but after the end of a two year relationship, I’m having trouble understanding how to be comfortable being single again!

It might be ironic, but I almost feel like it’s more difficult now than it was closer to the breakup. At that point, I was fueled by fire and passion, determined to make my life better. Now that my life is “better”, I’m at a standstill once again. I have fallen for someone who doesn’t want a committed relationship (he’s probably smart that way).

This guy has been through a similar experience as I have had, but with two different girlfriends. There wasn’t much of a break in between the relationships, so he was basically in a committed relationship for four years. He hasn’t had much experience dating or being single.

So we are both basically in the same boat.

I think deep down, I have this fear that if I don’t get into a relationship soon, I will die alone. Or somehow, my value as a person will go down.

Sounds really ridiculous when you say it that way, but then again our emotions are never really rational.

Why do I want a relationship so bad? Why can’t I just be comfortable being by myself?

I think that I miss the security of being in a relationship. In a relationship, the two of you have an agreement. You aren’t promising to love each other forever (unless you’re getting married). But there is a feeling of semi-permanence in a long term committed relationship. It’s safe. You love this person, and they love you back. No questions asked.

But what does it say about myself if I crave this security so much?

I can be single.

I don’t need a relationship.

I can be my own person.

I don’t need to be someone else’s “someone”.

Readers, how have you dealt with becoming single after the end of a long term relationship?

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4 Responses to Being Comfortable

  1. I love how honest these posts are.

    • Thank you! I think that being honest to oneself is very important, otherwise you’re tip-toeing around the actual issue. When I write these posts, I am seriously writing them as reminders to myself. I have these feelings, and this is my way of affirming myself or internalizing these thoughts. I also feel like these issues are things that other people struggle with all the time, so I like being honest and seeing if other people can relate. It also helps that none of my readers know who I am! I don’t think I could be quite as honest if the people reading knew who I was in actual life.

      As always, thank you for reading and commenting!

      • I completely agree! Honesty is something I look for when following a new blog. I have related to a lot of your posts, which I am thankful for.
        One of the main reasons I started my blog was to organise my thoughts and start being honest with myself. And I also haven’t told anyone I know in real life that I have one, it makes writing a lot easier I think!

        • Exactly! I’ve shared my blog with 3 people in my life, but otherwise no one knows of its existence. Glad to hear you could relate to my posts, it’s nice to know that I’m able to touch someone out there with words 🙂 Hope your day is going well!

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