Separating Yourself

When dealing with Anxiety, I usually struggle with the conflict of placing my needs, thoughts, and feelings above others. I’ll become stressed out because I feel over responsible for others, and things that are generally out of my control.

Why waste my time and energy on things I can’t change?

There is no getting rid of Anxiety. But there are coping strategies.

What has helped me recently is the epiphany that I am my own person, responsible for only my own thoughts and feelings. I am allowed to think differently than others and voice those opinions. There is no need for me to adapt my thoughts and feelings to better suit someone else. Because when it comes down to it, they just aren’t important enough to sacrifice autonomy for.

If we give up own our unique thoughts and feelings, what do we have?

Specifically, I have been struggling with some family issues. My aunt chose to ignore my very existence for two years, and now wants to make amends. However, she doesn’t believe that she is in the wrong. She has not issued any kind of apology for her behavior over the past two years which included: not talking to me, avoiding my presence, and ignoring my greetings.

Almost everyone in my family believes that I should be the “bigger” person. That I should forgive and forget. Basically I should act like nothing happened!

But the truth is, the past two years did happen. And I just can’t sweep it under a rug and pretend it’s okay.

If she chose to acknowledge her behavior and apologize, things might be different.

But as the situation is, she hasn’t.

I am allowed to feel angry. I am allowed to be upset. I am allowed to act towards her however I may like! The opinion of others should not and cannot govern my own unique thoughts and feelings (no matter how much my family members wish they did).

I can’t change the situation or her previous behavior. But I can be content in knowing that my thoughts, words, and actions are my own. No matter how much my family members press me to act a certain way towards her, I don’t need to.

I am an adult that can make my own decisions. And with my choices I manage to remove myself from Anxiety and the influence of others even just a little bit.

Readers, what are some epiphanies that you have realized when struggling with Anxiety? Please share your stories below.

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7 Responses to Separating Yourself

  1. gpyrois says:

    There is a book called, “The Healing Code”, you may want to give it a read.

  2. charlypriest says:

    Dr.Love is in the house! Sorry, I meant Dr. Charly.

    What I have learned some time ago, I´ll give you my experience. My father is not the most affective person in the world, better said there is really very little affection that he demonstrates. I was basically have always been on my own since a young age studying in the U.S then coming back home to Spain, Army time, and then lost soul time. Anyways, up until age 19 I had quite a resentment toward my father, my mother has always been there to talk to most of the time. But not him. But to my surprise, when I graduated basic training the only family member that way there was my father, he said congratulations we had a drink and off he went. And after all I have put them through, and also now in the bind I´m in with some judicial mishaps, the person that is there is my father. He wont hug you or talk about love or things like that. He´s a practical man, that when the shit hits the fan there is no point in crying or being affectionate the only things that matter is to solve the problem. Period. That´s his way of showing me his love.

    You can´t expect people to act the way you want them to act, but you can recognise that people are imperfect and that they make mistakes and in your situation your aunt does want to make amends now, so for you to still be resentful is not getting you anywhere probably agravates the anxiety. You seem to have a family that are there for you, might not be the perfect “there” but you as an adult you have also to understand other people and love them for who they are not for who you want them to be. Either that, or say “to hell with all of you, I don´t want to see you again” Period. As you said you´re an adult and capable of making your own decisions, so you can choose to forgive( if in your mind they are wrong) and move on, or just simply move on without them.

    My little grain of salt, don´t take it badly. Just talking also from my own personal experience and how I realised how to better be in this world. And I still have a loooong way to go.

    Forgot, I wouldn´t read books about healing, that has to come from within. Maybe a psychologist or psychiatrist can help also.

    • Hi Dr. Charly,

      Sorry about taking so long to respond! Been crazy with studying for finals this week.

      First off, I appreciate you taking the time to read and leave such a long thoughtful comment. Thanks for sharing your personal experiences with me!

      I understand that being angry or resentful doesn’t get me anywhere. I’m not happy about being angry towards her, rather I’m happy that I can feel however I want to feel. Many of my family members have made me feel guilty for wanting to be angry. They believe that I SHOULDN’T act this way, or SHOULDN’T feel this way. They try and force me to act differently than how I feel, like we can all smile and pretend it’s okay even though it’s not.

      This post was more about reminding myself that it is okay to be angry, and that her behavior wasn’t deserved or even normal.

      At this point, our relationship is still strained. I don’t go out of my way to talk to her, but if she talks to me I do respond. I’m not quite sure if we will ever be able to recover the relationship that we had before.

      I hope you are doing well Charly, and looking forward to reading more of your poetry!

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