Some days it’s okay to not be okay.

Right now, sitting in the midst of disorganized mess, I am not okay.

I’m in the middle of reorganizing my room, and in that process I’ve had to throw away a lot of things, refold clothes, and find new places to place things.

It’s quite tiring.

And of course, throughout all of this, I keep thinking of Mr. Swing.

It’s tiring not knowing exactly how he feels or what he wants. I’m tired of comparing myself to other women and wondering how I measure up against them. I’m tired of being excited at the prospect of getting to see him, and wondering if he experiences that same anticipation.

I’m tired of wondering how to live the “single life”. Wondering how much flirting is just enough, or how many men I can “casually date”, or if anyone will ever measure up to him. I’m scared of hurting anyone.

I’m just tired.

I got a lot on my mind, and I never realized that being single could be so much work.

I want to meet new people. I want men to think I’m interesting and attractive. I want to feel loved, but I don’t want to get hurt. I don’t want to get involved with someone and have to worry about the physical boundaries. I’m deathly afraid of having to explain to my future significant other that I want to save sex until marriage.

There’s so many things I want and I’m not quite sure how or where to start.

At the same time, I don’t want to live my life closed off and afraid.

Life can be overwhelming sometime.

How to deal with it?

Right now, I’m trying to not think about boys. (I’m not sure if I’m succeeding). But it seems like the more I focus on myself and my own goals, the more easier and enjoyable life will be. Boys will come and go, but my top priority should always be myself.

Anxiety is annoying and never stops, but you can deal with it. There are ways to calm down and feel better about yourself. Self affirmations do wonders. For me, blogging always helps. I always try listening to music that makes me happy. I make plans and goals and work towards them. When you achieve these small goals, you feel more capable and almost invincible.

Readers, you CAN fight anxiety. You can be your own person and live a fulfilling life without a significant other.

Any thoughts? I want to hear your experiences and stories and ramblings. Join the conversation 🙂

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5 Responses to Anxiety

  1. This year I made a resolution to focus on myself more. I want to focus on my own happiness, and I think that will help with my anxiety, better understanding myself, and feeling confident being single.

  2. taffny says:

    From The Perks of Being a Wallflower, I give you:
    You only accept the love you think you deserve.

    Dear I see you struggling to find an identity. I tell you I’ve seen a friend gone through this stage and don’t let other people say that you’re wasting your time. Know that your need to casually date forms an integral part of your personality and the fact that you know for sure you don’t embrace that lifestyle and thinking shows you’re already learning to become your own person. Fight on! You’re making progress!!!

    • Thanks! That’s definitely encouraging to hear.

      I think you’re right, I’m definitely not wasting my time. If anything, I’ve learned more about people and what they are capable of. This evening I had the pleasure of getting to watch this guy flirt with all the ladies around him. It’s amazing to think that I had such high views of him before, it’s all slowly crashing down now.

      I hope you had a good day! Thanks for taking the time to share your thoughts.

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