Romanticizing

Verb. To deal with or describe in an idealized or unrealistic fashion; make (something) seem better or more appealing than it really is.

It’s so easy to romanticize someone when you don’t know much about them. Simply because, you don’t know much about them, and your mind is free to fill in the gaps. And if you just happen to be infatuated with this person, your mind usually comes up with unrealistic ideals or expectations. You create an idea of a person, rather than knowing the person fully.

From being in a 2 year relationship with someone, I can say that I’ve learned the difference between romanticizing and actually knowing a person. At the same time, I can also testify that it takes a LONG time to get to know someone, and even then they may be hiding their inner selves from you. I won’t get into the details, but I broke up with my boyfriend after discovering certain things about him that he had previously kept hidden from me.

With all this in mind, how do we get to know someone truly and completely? How do we know what “love” actually is?

Pretty hard questions, and I don’t think I have the answers.

But I do think an important part of getting to know someone in a relationship is knowing yourself first. If we don’t know ourselves, have individual thoughts, opinions, morals… then we can’t really interact with someone in a relationship. Instead we spend all of our time molding ourselves to this other person’s image, or what they’d like us to be. And that is destructive for both people in the relationship.

Still searching for answers and figuring out this whole dating thing… Something I’ve figured out though is that we can’t “imagine” how people will be. We have to get to know them in person, and only keep these concrete facts in mind. It’s true that they are probably wonderful, but they still have their bad days. Sometimes when you’re dating someone, you love to hate them. You find out about their qualities that aren’t so pleasing. Love isn’t a bed of roses.

Trying to keep things in perspective!

Readers, do you have any stories about how your expectations differed from your actual experience? Please share below 🙂

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